Aging Stress? Celebrate every day of it!
By award-winning author and stress-relief expert Susie Mantell
I wrote a birthday note to a friend who knows a lot about healthy aging.
It said, "Age is silly... but Birthdays are not."
Every life should be celebrated--honored for achievements of yet another
year. But I must tell you that a lot more of the "aging process" than
hair-loss & henna takes place in the head!
Now, I am not saying that humans, in their present form, will not experience
reminders of the effects of Time----not to mention Gravity. But the Stress
associated with all that is another story. Many perceived limitations are
arbitrary or can be aleviated with a slight modification or helping hand,
and new discoveries about what catalizes changes we've been taught were,
"the natural aging process" make this truer every day, whether 28 or 82! As
one scientist friend put it, "You are what you ate." Many
non-genetically-determined changes actually result from lifestyle choices:
how we eat, sleep, breathe, move, our attitudes, fears and belief systems,
and especially what we expect to happen... as we grow older.
The degree to which we love, laugh, forgive...(or don't!) can impact
physical and emotional health, disease and healing processes, and overall
quality of life. I know bright, healthy 40 year-olds with loving families
and 3-week vacations, who are chronically disappointed, exhausted, angry or
depressed. Their conversations, an endless stream of complaints, worry,
negativity. Stress reminds them they're Alive. Either they don't exercise
and watch nutrition--or do both, but to punishing extremes. BUT, I also
know 75 year-olds who still work at demanding jobs, care for grandchildren,
enjoy book clubs and lively discussion, brisk walks, art classes, playful,
sexy marriages, and would sooner give up a second car than their health club
membership!
Age has never mattered much to me. (Well, except 20. I didn't want to leave
my teens. Not that they were so great--I'd just waited so long to GET there!
In retrospect, 20 a blessing for most kids --and their parents!) Last month
was one of those, "Big" birthdays for me. As it approached, I heard a few
"sympathetic" groans, so I found myself pondering those cultural fixations,
myths and misconceptions, that cause some the dreaded, Age Stress: A gray
hair, smile line or sore shoulder is, the beginning of the end.
It is not in my realm to advise on anti-oxidents, HGH or DHEA (hormones) and
other biochemical approaches, however you might wish to explore nutritional
supplements and vitamins with a skilled healthcare professional. I also do
not discuss potions to erase, lift or firm stuff, or Botox. But rather, my work is about reducing
Stress, and how we perceive an event will determine its stress value for us. So
let's take a look at reducing the largely self-induced stress associated
with age.
(A)Musings On Age
Then: "I am 5 and 3/4....and 4 days!"
Now: "Me? uhhhh,in my forties."
Then: "I can't wait 'til I'm all grown-up!"
Now: "I hate getting older but it sure beats the alternative."
Then: "When you're grown-up, you'll understand."
Now: "I don't understand these kids today."
Then: "When I'm 7? But I won't be 7 for a whole MONTH!"
Now: "Where did the last 20 years go?"
Then: "I want a big, big cake and a clown..and a pony and ..."
Now: "Oh, PLEASE don't let the waiters sing..."
Then: "A lady never tells her age."
Now: "I'll be 97 next March!"
Then: "After 40, it's 'patch, patch, patch..."
Now: "You're as young as you feel!"
10 Ways To Enjoy Your Next Birthday!
"In the dew of little things,
The heart finds its morning and is refreshed." (--Kahlil Gibran)
I learned a lot from this "Big" birthday, and with blessedly little Stress.
The simple thoughtfulness of friends and family made it easier. This one
started early, which I now officially recommend: 10 days in advance, a
touching email arrived from a very special college friend I haven't seen in
years. His kind, insiring remembrance set both a nostalgic and celebratory
tone that put me in a great Birthday mood! I was aleady having fun before I
even had time to feel old!
Tip #1: A month ahead, think about how you'd like to spend your birthday,
and what would be necessary to make it happen.
Tip #2: Enlist support from people who will understand...and help.
Tip #3: Give yourself a gift. There is something very self-affirming about
giving yourself something you long for. Maybe a present, (who knows your
taste better?) or perhaps precious time alone, golf lessons, or a creative
project?
Tip #4: Drop unrealistic expectations. If they aren't met, it's a set-up
for disappointment. Instread, help people to remember your birthday's
coming.
Tip #5: If you're one of those who says, "I hate birthdays," I am asking you
to please reconsider. Maybe you've been disappointed in the past, or fear
aging. Celebrate your life--that you have touched others' and done good.
These things should be honored.
Tip #6: Most years we do not need hats & horns, or parties...only to be
reminded that your life has meaning and you are loved. You deserve that.
Remember that 20th birthday I mentioned? I told everyone I knew to ignore
it. (What'd I know? I was 19.) The big day came.......Nothing. They did
exactly what I wanted. (Well, what I THOUGHT I wanted.) Talk about Birthday Stress! I learned my lesson.
Tip #7: If....... no one invites you to make birthday plans: Don't get mad.
(Sometimes there's a good reason. They may be having a rough time
themselves, or be very busy.) One year when I'd been traveling a lot prior,
the afternoon of my birthday I was suddenly sad not to have made plans. A
friend suggested I call somebody I'd enjoy have dinner with that
night--maybe they were free too. I felt a little shy...but dialed. He was
delighted to have been asked, had assumed I already had plans--and we had a
really fun, impromptu birthday.
Tip #8: That day, mention it to everybody you see--the dry cleaner, the
grocer... (Try it--You'll be glad you did!)
Tip #9: I know someone who takes her birthday off every year. She sleeps in,
goes shopping, to a movie or museum, has a manicure and writes in her
journal over a lovely lunch out. She celebrates with others later but likes
to spend that one day making her own fun. Some might feel lonely and be
happier at work. See which type you are.
Tip #10: Have a "Birthday Month." Spread out the fun! Lunch with different
friends different days, a movie with another. Savor it. Look at old
photos, reminisce...and plan what's next!
Special Note: If, by chance, you truly are one of those rare people who chooses not to track years at all, and birthday celebrations are not fun nor meaningful for you, then gently just let those who care about you know that, and let them enjoy and celebrate your presence in their lives in other ways. Age may not matter. But being honored for all you are, surely does. . .
[Copyright 2000, 2008 Susie Mantell, Relax. . .Intuit (tm) LLC. All rights reserved.] Federal law prohibits use of this material in whole or in part without the express written consent of Relax...Intuit™ LLC. For Reprint Permission: Kindly email your request for guidelines, pasting in the full text of the specific article you wish to use, to info@relaxintuit.com We'll try to reply within 72 hrs.]
Award-winning stress-relief expert Susie Mantell ...is the author of the deeply soothing relaxation CD, "Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace,” clinically approved for symptoms associated with stress and sleeplessness, depression and grief, anxiety, P.T.S.D., Fibromyalgia, caregiver stress, cancer, pain, divorce and addiction recovery. Featured in The Los Angeles Times, NBC, ABC, CBS-TV, Town & Country, The American Pain Society, Hazelden and The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, listeners include The Mayo Clinic, Memorial Sloan-Kettering, The Betty Ford Center, V.A. Hospitals,and Canyon Ranch (#1 Spa.) Customizing stress-reduction for Fortune 500 companies, distinguished hospitals and spas, Mantell has facilitated thousands in relieving health-related, work-related, chronic or traumatic stress. Her multi-sensory, mind-body techniques appear in national media, medical and corporate publications. Susie Mantell's Stress-Relief & Wellness Tips are intended as an adjunct to, not a substitute for, professional health care. Order “Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace” and find more of Mantell’s stress-relief tips at www.relaxintuit.com